{"id":845,"date":"2015-10-02T21:37:53","date_gmt":"2015-10-02T16:07:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/abhinav.spsdarj.org\/?p=845"},"modified":"2016-01-14T22:49:39","modified_gmt":"2016-01-14T17:19:39","slug":"what-are-the-secrets-of-being-likable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/2015\/10\/what-are-the-secrets-of-being-likable\/","title":{"rendered":"What are the secrets of being likable?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Answer by Anatole Ginsberg:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>When I was young I thought the secret to popularity was to be as impressive as possible so people would want to talk to me.<\/p>\n<p>Instead they thought I was arrogant.<\/p>\n<p>Then I examined what made me want to befriend someone, and I learned that I&#039;d had it all backwards. The real secret to popularity is <b>not to be impressive, but to be impressed<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>I spend an entire conversation asking questions, saying &quot;wow&quot; and &quot;that&#039;s so interesting&quot; and &quot;you know so much about this do you mind telling me more?&quot; <\/p>\n<p>I barely need to say a word about myself or my knowledge. Now people call me &quot;down-to-earth&quot;; they want to be my friend, even if the only thing they know about me is that I make them feel validated. <\/p>\n<p>Everybody &#8211; from ages 1 to 100 &#8211; wants to be impressive. So let them be, and they will gravitate towards you. <\/p>\n<p>*<\/p>\n<p>(<i>Update<\/i>: I did not expect this answer to become so popular. Allow me to address some of the common questions: <\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Sincerity is key. Yes this technique can work for salesmen and the likes, but many people will get annoyed if you pretend like you&#039;re impressed when you clearly aren&#039;t. Find something they say that is of actual interest to you &#8211; dig a little, be curious and open-minded! Then it&#039;s okay to exaggerate your reactions a little. <\/li>\n<li>Remember this: every person in the world possesses some knowledge or skill that you don&#039;t. If you are unable to find anything impressive about the person in front of you, it&#039;s because your ego refuses to step down. <\/li>\n<li>This is highly effective for first impressions, but friendships require more of a two-way street. The next step after humility is showing your vulnerability, for example with an embarrassing story about yourself related to the topic. <\/li>\n<li>This isn&#039;t 100% effective in every possible scenario. I won&#039;t sell you snake oil. But you&#039;d be surprised just how often it works. <\/li>\n<li>For the &quot;just be yourself&quot; crowd: if being yourself had been effective for you so far, you wouldn&#039;t be reading Quora posts about how to be more likable. But this isn&#039;t about changing who you are, it&#039;s about changing how you interact with others. <\/li>\n<li>Finally, &quot;if everybody did this&quot;&#8230;. then the world would be a truly wonderful place full of happy, validated friends who are more interested in each other than themselves. Win-win.<\/li>\n<li>Thank you, Quora. I&#039;m so impressed by this community.)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><span class=\"qlink_container\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.quora.com\/What-are-the-secrets-of-being-likable\/answer\/Anatole-Ginsberg\">What are the secrets of being likable?<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Answer by Anatole Ginsberg: When I was young I thought the secret to popularity was to be as impressive as possible so people would want to talk to me. Instead they thought I was arrogant. Then I examined what made me want to befriend someone, and I learned that I&#039;d had it all backwards. The&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-845","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stuff"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4KGvB-dD","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":689,"url":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/2015\/02\/does-it-get-better\/","url_meta":{"origin":845,"position":0},"title":"Does it get better?","author":"Abhinav","date":"February 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Answer by Nicolas Cole: I've written about this in several other posts here on Quora, but I'd like to bring some of the stories together here for you. First of all, yes, it does get better.\u00a0 I know people say that all the time, sort of like a clich\u00e9, \"Trust\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Motivate&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Motivate","link":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/category\/motivate\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":711,"url":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/2015\/02\/what-are-some-trippy-thought-experiments\/","url_meta":{"origin":845,"position":1},"title":"What are some trippy thought experiments?","author":"Abhinav","date":"February 19, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Answer by Jim Stone: You enter a library, . . . . . . take a book off the shelf, and notice that it\u2019s filled with seemingly random strings of characters. You take another book off the shelf. Same thing. You examine a few more books and notice that all\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Quora Post&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Quora Post","link":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/category\/quora-post\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":130,"url":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/2013\/11\/good-links-to-well-sort-of-bookmark\/","url_meta":{"origin":845,"position":2},"title":"Good Links to &#8230; well&#8230; sort of bookmark","author":"Abhinav","date":"November 19, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Entertain the thought Motivational picture quotes Great interior design.\u00a0The blog entry\u00a0here. Some here are good ones. like the backyard office..","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Quote&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Quote","link":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/category\/motivate\/quote-motivate\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21,"url":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/2011\/12\/why-busted\/","url_meta":{"origin":845,"position":3},"title":"Why- Busted","author":"Abhinav","date":"December 17, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I Like this song.. It\u2019s by a band named\u00a0Busted. Here are its Lyrics and a\u00a0Download Link\u00a0for the Song Look at me up in the sky Watch the world just pass me by And all my feelings give me away It\u2019s happening more everyday Loving you could be so easy Loving\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Song&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Song","link":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/category\/song\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":864,"url":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/2015\/12\/what-are-some-photos-which-we-can-keep-staring-at\/","url_meta":{"origin":845,"position":4},"title":"What are some photos which we can keep staring at?","author":"Abhinav","date":"December 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Answer by Diana Cre\u021bu:I instantly thought of Chema Madoz. He is a 57 years old Spanish photographer. I discovered him randomly many years ago, and I've been a fan of his works ever since. His\u00a0 photographs show a lot of simplicity, he combines or alters everyday\u00a0 objects in unexpected, yet\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Fun Stuff&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Fun Stuff","link":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/category\/fun-stuff\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":734,"url":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/2015\/03\/what-are-the-most-difficult-and-useful-things-people-have-to-learn-in-their-20s\/","url_meta":{"origin":845,"position":5},"title":"What are the most difficult and useful things people have to learn in their 20s?","author":"Abhinav","date":"March 13, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Answer by Anonymous:45 Life Lessons Written by a 90-year-old 1. Life isn\u2019t fair, but it\u2019s still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short not to enjoy it. 4. Your job won\u2019t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Quora Post&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Quora Post","link":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/category\/quora-post\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/845","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=845"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/845\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":846,"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/845\/revisions\/846"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=845"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=845"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abhinavkr.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=845"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}